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 Zetsumei Tenshi (Death's Angel) [Done]

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Ryu Uchiyama
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PostSubject: Zetsumei Tenshi (Death's Angel) [Done]   Wed Jun 10, 2015 4:13 am




Zanpakuto Name: Zetsumei Tenshi (Death's Angel)

Zanpakuto Spirit Appearance: Zetsumei appears as a long brown haired girl with a large white angel wing on her right side, and a black wing on her left. Each wing at the base is a the opposite color. Her right eye is a light sky blue while her left is dark blood red. She has the same chain marking as Ryu across her body.
  She wears wears a school uniform as to symbolize innocence, emblazoned with demonic symbols on the sleeves and around the bottom of the shirt. The wings often hang loosely over her shoulders like a cloak, almost reaching the ground.

Zanpakuto Spirit Personality: Zetsumei like her owner is calm and collected never stressing. Although unlike Ryu she tends to be extremely blunt with all situations, giving advice that Ryu often doesn’t want to hear. Even though she is blunt, Zetsumei is extremely caring when it comes to Ryu knowing all the pain he keeps buried from his past.  In challenging situations Ryu relies on her when he needs answers to questions, both of them sharing intelligence and an sharp calculating mind.

Inner World: The inner world looks like chapel, you start in a extremely large,open room with Cathedral Glass windows with moonlight shining through casting ever changing words on the walls all around.There is a large bookshelf below the windows filled with books containing information on many different topics. There are wooden doors that lead to the outside and and a stairwell leading to other floors. In th the main room is where Zetsumei is normally found reading. The room is where Ryu goes to make decisions, finding peace surrounded by all the books. Up the stairwell is a smaller cell with one window looking out,into a sun filled world instead of the moon, during his training Ryu learned how to switch these appearances having realized they were his two viewpoints.
   On the outside of the chapel lays a field and a graveyard. In the field there lay shrines and singular apple tree that sits next to the fence surrounding the field. In the graveyard there are graves and vaults with a Willow tree filled with crows all surrounded by the same fence. Between the two lay a area significantly smaller than the others that contains both trees roots, and signifies balance.


Sealed Zanpakuto Appearance:
Sealed State:
 
Release Phrase: "Bring forth your Balance, Zetsumei Tenshi"

Shikai Appearance:
Shikai Appearance:
 

Shikai Abilities:
Shikai:
 

Bankai Appearance:
Bankai Appearance:
 
Bankai Abilities:  
Bankai:
 


Last edited by Ryu Uchiyama on Thu Jun 18, 2015 2:05 am; edited 3 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Zetsumei Tenshi (Death's Angel) [Done]   Sat Jun 13, 2015 6:19 pm

~ Bump
Could someone let me know if I have to change the abilities please and Thank you Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Zetsumei Tenshi (Death's Angel) [Done]   Sat Jun 13, 2015 6:24 pm

No one has looked at this because it says WIP which references to Work In Progress, once it is fully finished it will be assessed
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PostSubject: Re: Zetsumei Tenshi (Death's Angel) [Done]   Sat Jun 13, 2015 8:43 pm

~Bump
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PostSubject: Re: Zetsumei Tenshi (Death's Angel) [Done]   Tue Jun 16, 2015 5:11 pm

Hello Ryu, I will be discussing with you on your app.  Anything that is out of place or needs editing will be in this color. Hope that you understand that there will be no biased grading on this application, any and all issues dealt with on this app is strictly based on the rules of this site.  Now then without further adieu, your over all assessment.

Quote :
Zanpakuto Spirit Appearance: Zetsumei appears as a long brown haired girl with a large white angel wing on her right side, and a black wing on her left. Each wing at the base is a the opposite color. Her right eye is a light sky blue while her left is dark blood red. She has the same chain marking as Ryu across her body.
  She wears wears a school uniform as to symbolize innocence, emblazoned with demonic symbols on the sleeves and around the bottom of the shirt. The wings often hang loosely over her shoulders like a cloak, almost reaching the ground.
This is acceptable, approved.

Quote :
Zanpakuto Spirit Personality: Zetsumei like her owner is calm and collected never stressing. Although unlike Ryu she tends to be extremely blunt with all situations, giving advice that Ryu often doesn’t want to hear. Even though she is blunt, Zetsumei is extremely caring when it comes to Ryu knowing all the pain he keeps buried from his past.  In challenging situations Ryu relies on her when he needs answers to questions, both of them sharing intelligence and an sharp calculating mind.
This is acceptable, this is approved.

Quote :
Inner World: The inner world looks like chapel, you start in a extremely large,open room with Cathedral Glass windows with moonlight shining through casting ever changing words on the walls all around.There is a large bookshelf below the windows filled with books containing information on many different topics. There are wooden doors that lead to the outside and and a stairwell leading to other floors. In th the main room is where Zetsumei is normally found reading. The room is where Ryu goes to make decisions, finding peace surrounded by all the books. Up the stairwell is a smaller cell with one window looking out,into a sun filled world instead of the moon, during his training Ryu learned how to switch these appearances having realized they were his two viewpoints.
   On the outside of the chapel lays a field and a graveyard. In the field there lay shrines and singular apple tree that sits next to the fence surrounding the field. In the graveyard there are graves and vaults with a Willow tree filled with crows all surrounded by the same fence. Between the two lay a area significantly smaller than the others that contains both trees roots, and signifies balance. 
This is acceptable, this is approved.

Quote :

Sealed State:
http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11112/111124633/3188798-sci_fi_katana__miyakawa_kuroma_by_railgun131-d5u9c7b.jpg
Release Phrase: (What does your character say when releasing?)
The image needs to be in the code
Code:
[img]url here[/img]
 You also did not put a release phrase, please put one.


Quote :
Shikai Appearance:
Shikai Appearance:
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/69/37/32/6937324d4f7957d7d4f3986c936901ae.jpg

Please use the code
Code:
[img]url here[/img]
for your appearance on your shikai.


Quote :
Shikai Abilities:Crescent Moon Slash :Reiatsu is focused throughout the blade giving it a blue glow. The energy can be forced outward, in a crescent shape and launched towards targets able to through almost all materials, and moves at an incredible speed with precision. The drawback requires the Reishi to charge before the ability can be used to its full potential again, so repetitive attacks with it  are less effective.
Please provide a cool down, duration, range of attack as well as a resist.


Quote :
Divine Strike: Uses Zetusumei’s Angel side to charge the blade with ethereal light that is then launched towards the opponent. The blast travels at high speeds but acts in a way similar to lightning, by traveling in an arcing motion. Due to way the blast moves it is difficult to be precise and Ryu can only give the blast a general area (about 3 meters in all direction) of where the target can be. So it's best used on bigger targets.
Please provide a cool down, duration, and a resist to the attack.


Quote :
Divination:  Ryu is able to focus a field about a 20 meter radius, from him. While it is active he has a heightened senses, to that area. Being able to tell when there is a disturbance, and he is able to tell how fast it is moving and where it is.It  also allow Ryu to have better hearing and sight, being able to see all around him and hear even the quietes footsteps. Due to his heightened senses to the area if there is a loud noise or bright flash in the area, it will disorient him and force him to stop the ability and it often leaves him stunned for a moment afterward.
This boosts stats to the following area, Mental Deduction which is defined as such "Under will skills, willpower/determination is a skill in which allows the character to not be taken in by fear, This is in the sense to not be taken in by dark based abilities, abilities that might mess with ones mental psychy"  This is not allowed, stat boosting is not allowed please think of another ability this one is denied.


Quote :
Genesis :  Zetsumei’s blade is charged with an ethereal light,that then envelops Ryu, which he can then use to heal himself or one around him. The light heals small wounds such as lacerations and burns.When during the day the healing process if faster than at night .While using this ability Ryu is required to be focused solely on the healing or it will not take full effect. For large cuts, it takes 2-3 posts but for smaller wounds it takes about 1 post to fully heal.
Please provide a cool down and a range of the ability.


Quote :
Heaven’s Wake:  As Ryu moves his blade, he can force Reishi out behind it leaving a trail which causes its own damage to those it hits. Allowing Ryu to take out more than one enemy or land multiple hits upon a singular target. The downside of the ability is that the damage effects all that pass through it. So Ryu could end up endangering his friends or himself if he is not careful.
This needs a cool down, duration, range, resist.


[quote]Bankai Appearance:
Bankai Appearance:
http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/173/e/8/sci_fi_scythe_by_ah_kai-d6a7lr1.png
http://th05.deviantart.net/fs37/300W/f/2008/245/3/0/Dark_Katana_by_JumpJet.jpg


[quote]
Please use the code
Code:
[img]url here[/img]
for use of showing bankai appearance.


Quote :
Falling From Grace: Activated upon Bankai. Using Zetsumei’s Fallen Angel Side, Ryu exudes a Dark Aura, developing a dark ghostly glow around him. It gives Ryu a colder more terrifying look , as the aura develops a ghostly fallen angel wings develop on his back and becomes more solid as the aura grows stronger. As it gets to its final phase it he gains the abilities of flight, where he cannot go above 100 meters off the ground or his wings might dematerialize and drop him to the ground. His dark aura also grants him the ability to inflict terror on those with willpower lower than skilled reducing their mental deduction and focus by 1 level. These abilities are not active right when the aura starts, for the wings to materialize it requires 4 posts and for the infliction of terror it requires 5 posts to take the full effect.
This needs a cool down, resist, and a range.


Quote :
Darkness Manipulation: As Ryu enters his Bankai Zetsumei’s Dark side inverts the light he could control during his Shikai. Due to this it allows for Ryu to gain control over darkness, able to shape it around his sword and to provide simple barriers (can be broke by those with strength higher than advanced) but will still stagger an opponent when broke, due to the expelling of spiritual pressure. Ryu is also able to have small projectiles (.5 meter long) fired from shadows although due to their small size they rarely do anything to strong enemies and are often used for dispatching small enemies quickly.
This needs a cool down, range, resist, and duration.


Quote :
Lucifer's Wrath: Ryu uses his spiritual pressure to shape shadows from his aura  around his blade. The shadows are focused into a fine point along the edge of the blade. When they are focused Ryu launches them towards the opponent in a large arc,when it hits a target they are enveloped in darkness around their body. The darkness isolates them and begins causing  pain the the nerves in the body making them feel as if they are burning,trapped in a void driving them to a panic. The only damage done by the shadows around them are small lacerations that appear due to the original slash. The panic effect is only applied to those with a willpower is dangerous or less reducing their focus(-2 lvls) and mental deduction(-1) , and the burning sensation takes effect if their pain tolerance is Dangerous or less reducing their general speed by (-1 lvl if Dangerous/ -2 less than Expert), Durability by (-2) and their Focus by (-1)
This needs a cool down, resist, duration, range.


Quote :
Dark Rapier : Ryu charges his blade with a dark aura and drives it towards his target. The dark aura allows the blade to pass through a single layer of armor depending on how much power is placed into the blade (Up to 3 layers of an armor/ barrier each 3 in. thick), before expelling a immense amount energy either destroying a large portion of the target or opening a area for a well placed strike by Ryu within armor. While this strike is able to pierce armor if it is too thick or resistant to the blast Ryu has the chance to have his blade stuck in close quarters with his enemies.
This needs a resist, cool down, duration, and range


Quote :
Touch of the Reaper: Ryu’s Last ditch attempt to end a battle. When in Bankai his Spiritual Power is near its max and Zetsumei’s is also available for use, using these he focuses almost all the power that he can gather and focuses it upon an enemy at a specific point. The aiming process alone takes time and requires focus, so while using this ability Ryu must be protected. When he has gathered up enough power and can successfully hit his mark, he forces enough of the energy upon the target in a small point that builds up to enough power to create a powerful explosion enveloping the target, and for most cases causing significant damage, and launching them quite a distance. For the case of  Low tier enemies it will cause fatal injuries, possibly destroying them upon impact all together. Unless in the case of being helped in the process of gaining and using the power Ryu is always almost completely drained and fatigued after using this ability, having just enough energy to be able to make an escape.
This needs a resist, range, duration and cool down

Overall Assessment:
Overall this application is detailed but has many flaws and issues. You decided to give a zanpakuto light and dark like properties because that is two elements in one zanpakuto that is not allowed please choose one or the other, finally you didn't add cool downs, resists, durations, or ranges, you made your hits Auto hits and stat boosting is not allowed.  You have some changes you need to make but other than that, great job. I look forward to reading your editing. I or another staff member will assess this once more once changes have been made.  Thank you for reading and understanding.
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PostSubject: Re: Zetsumei Tenshi (Death's Angel) [Done]   Thu Jun 18, 2015 9:18 pm

~Bump
I believe I fixed it Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Zetsumei Tenshi (Death's Angel) [Done]   Sat Jun 27, 2015 8:09 pm

~Bump
~Bump ~Bump
~Bump ~Bump ~Bump
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PostSubject: Re: Zetsumei Tenshi (Death's Angel) [Done]   Sat Jul 04, 2015 11:11 pm

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~~Bump
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