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 Caballero Oscurso (Dark Knight)

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Axel Oscuro
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PostSubject: Caballero Oscurso (Dark Knight)   Fri Jun 12, 2015 3:47 am




Sealed Zanpakuto: A black broadsword kept in a sheath on Axel's right hand side.
Caballero Oscuro:
 

Racial Abilities:
 

Unique Abilities:
 

Resereccion Name: Caballero Oscuro

Resereccion Release Phrase: Return to honor.

Release Actions: States the release phrase then holds the sword up to the sky and gets struck by a bolt of black lightning.

Resereccion Appearance:
Caballero:
 
In his resereccion Axel takes on the appearance of a black knight. Although his seemingly metal body is actually very hard hollow bone. He also sports a spear that is 14ft long with a black bladed end and a dark gray pole.

Resereccion Abilities:
Resereccion Abilities:
 

All the powers from Axel's sealed and initial release state carries over to his released state.

Resurrección Segunda Etapa appearance:
Segunda Etapa:
 
When entering this form the sky within a 3 mile radius of Axel will turn black and the ground beneath him will collapse, giving it the appearance he was dragged to"hell". He will then fall down from the pitch black sky in his new form. In this form his spear turns into a pitch black broadsword.

Resurrección Segunda Etapa abilities:
Segunda Etapa Abilities:
 
All of Axel's abilities from seal and initial release carry over into Segunda Etapa.



Last edited by Axel Oscuro on Wed Jun 17, 2015 3:18 am; edited 4 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Caballero Oscurso (Dark Knight)   Sun Jun 14, 2015 11:45 pm

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Arturo
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PostSubject: Re: Caballero Oscurso (Dark Knight)   Tue Jun 16, 2015 11:27 pm

Hello Axel, I will be discussing with you on your app.  Anything that is out of place or needs editing will be in this color. Hope that you understand that there will be no biased grading on this application, any and all issues dealt with on this app is strictly based on the rules of this site.  Now then without further adieu, your over all assessment.

Quote :
Caja Negación: 
This is a variant of the Gillian-exclusive ability Negación used to punish Arrancar subordinates by trapping them eternally in an alternate dimension. However, should the Caja Negación be used on an Espada, the Espada will eventually break out of the alternate dimension (usually within three post), due to their large amount of Reiatsu.
Well I can see you copied and pasted this from Bardo's application that is infridgment and not allowed, either way the point I really want to make is that this may have a cool down but it needs a duration, resist, and range.


Quote :
Descorrer:
Arrancar and Hollows use special, spiritual pathways to travel between Hueco Mundo and other worlds. These pathways are called Garganta. Espada-level Arrancar can easily open these pathways between the World of the Living and Hueco Mundo with a simple hand gesture. The Garganta created using Descorrer are a lot more stable than those produced by lower-level Hollows, and allow the Arrancar to simply walk into the void created. These Garganta neatly close around them before opening at their destination
Much like the ability above this needs a cool down, duration.  Because the range is between Hueco Mundo and The World of the living then that is fine but know mid battle you can not flee using this tactic as you agree to the PK of the thread.


Quote :
Pesquisa:
The practitioner sends out a radiating pulse which reacts to sources of Reiatsu within a certain proximity this being a fifty meter radius, allowing the practitioner to determine the location of any sensed individuals and gauge how powerful they actually are. When the ability is the practitioner must close their eyes and entered into a meditative state of mind in order to attain the necessary heightened sense of awareness
This is acceptable, This is approved even if you did copy and paste it from Bardo's Application.


Quote :
Cero/Bala is a powerful blast of concentrated spiritual energy at the target. While in most cases it is fired from the mouth, some Arrancar and Visored can fire Cero from their hands, fingers, and other parts of their bodies. Axel's cero is black.
This is acceptable, this is approved, know that you must register this cero first before you can use it though.

Quote :
High-Speed Regeneration is an ability which allows Arrancar to heal most injuries very quickly, with the exception of the destruction of the head or vital organs. 
This needs a duration, more descriptive on what it does exactly. Know that you can't heal a severed arm in one post it will take time so be descriptive on this please. I also ask for a cool down on this as well please.


Quote :
Sonído is the Arrancar equivalent to a Shinigami's Shunpo.
Uh huh. . .please more descriptive on what this does, distance, cool down, ect this is way too vague to be approved.


Quote :
Lightning Body- Axel can cover his body in black lightning which increases his speed by two points, gives him increased maneuverability, and acts as a shield to absorb kinetic damage. Also anyone who gets with 3 meter range of Axel gets shocked and a small first degree burn.
Absolutely not, you can not boost stats this will not be allowed please think of another ability.

Quote :
Lightning Bullet- Axel covers his fist in black lightning and from that lightning he can fire many small orbs of black lightning at rapid speeds. This orbs are about the size of a tennis ball.
This does not provide a range, pace of speed, how many can be fired at a time, cool down, duration.  Until these are added this will not be approved. This is also more of a res ability as unique abilities are more passive than active.

Quote :
Knight's Honor- As long as Axel's Zanpakuto is sealed he gets a 3 point increase to strength.
Absolutely not, 3 points is far too much as well as boosting stats is not allowed.

Quote :
Cero Doble- After absorbing an incoming Cero by swallowing it, Axel fires one of his own while returning the previous one, thus creating a potent Cero Doble.
So you can absorb other's cero? Okay well first off this needs a resist because if a cero stat is stronger than yours then you wouldn't be able to do that you would be caught in an injury.  This needs a cool down, range, duration.

Quote :
Enhanced Strength- Since he is essentially a knight in his resereccion Axel gets a boost to strength of 1 point.
Absolutely not, this is stat boosting and it is not allowed, please think of another ability.

Quote :
Enhanced Speed-Since he is essentially a knight in his resereccion Axel gets a boost to speed of 1 point.
Absolutely not, this is stat boosting and it is not allowed, please think of another ability.

Quote :
Enhanced Durability-Since he is essentially a knight in his resereccion Axel gets a boost to durability of 1 point.
Absolutely not, this is stat boosting and it is not allowed, please think of another ability.


Quote :
Black Lightning Cannon-The user generates black lightning between their palms before releasing it as a powerful beam. This can also be fired from the tip of his spear.
This needs a range, cool down, duration, resist, as well as dimensions of blast.

Quote :
Black Lightning Shield-The user spins their spear at a high speed in the direction of a incoming attack. The spear creates a large amount of black lightning around it and acts as a shield to the attack.
This needs a resist as the shield can not be allowed to block any and all attacks.  This needs a cool down and a duration.

Quote :
Black Lightning Summoning- Axel taps the bottom of his staff against the ground and it makes 5 bolts of lightning hit the ground. These 5 bolts of lightning summon 5 menos grande or 5 Adjuchas class hollow to aid him in battle.
This is so over powered you get lightning and summons? No you can't have both you either have one or the other.

Quote :
Gran Rey Cero-By mixing their own blood with a Cero, an Espada can fire a Cero with much greater attack power and speed, in addition to having a change of color unique to them. It is many times more powerful than a normal Cero, disturbing the fabric of space as it travels. Upon release, it spins like a razor as it compresses and decompresses due to the sheer speed and raw power. Axel's Gran Rey Cero is silver.
This needs a resist, cool down, duration, range, and speed status.

Quote :
Knight's Prayer- Whenever someone is killed by Axel he says a prayer for them. When the prayer is said the person or thing he killed is stored within his zanpaukto and can be revived using this ability. When the person is revived they come back with all the abilities they had in life, only now they have no free will and are under Axel's control.
Absolutely not this is too over powered, I will no way allow the ability to bring someone back to life and use them with their once known abilities for your own.

Quote :
Black Lightning Manipulation- The user has total control over the element known as black lightning.
This is so vague, please explain in great detail explaining the cool down, the range, the duration.

Quote :
Oscuro Raiden- Axel coats his blade in a dark black reiatsu. He then swings his blade towards the intended target. This causes a veil of black lightning to crash downwared and approach the target, as it darkens the sky and damages anyone caught in the blast. It then dissipates into the sky.
This is an auto hit, please fix this.  I will not allow that, add a resist, range, cool down, and duration.

Quote :
Raiden's Arrow-Axel creates a javelin-like weapon using his spiritual power. The energy flowing off of each end in a fashion similar to flames, making it look more arrow-shaped. He can use this weapon as a projectile or as a melee weapon. When thrown, it produces an incredibly destructive explosion on impact. The blast radius of the arrows is 40 meters. These arrows are made with his black lightning, so when someone is hit with it they receive a very bad shock and a third degree burn.
This needs a resist, a range of the throwing distance, cool down, duration and dimensions, also remove the flames you can only have one element for a zanpakuto if any.

Quote :
Further Enhanced Strength- Since he is essentially a knight in his resereccion Axel gets a boost to strength of 1 point.
Stat boosting is not allowed please come up with a different ability.

Quote :
Further Enhanced Speed-Since he is essentially a knight in his resereccion Axel gets a boost to speed of 1 point.
Stat boosting is not allowed please come up with a different ability

Quote :
Further Enhanced Durability-Since he is essentially a knight in his resereccion Axel gets a boost to durability of 1 point.
Stat boosting is not allowed please come up with a different ability.

Quote :
All of Axel's abilities from seal and initial release carry over into Segunda Etapa.
This is considered an extra ability and each state can only have a max of 5 abilities be aware of how many you made already.


Overall Assessment:
Overall this application has many issues regarding stat boosting, this is not allowed at all. finally you didn't add cool downs, resists, durations, or ranges, you made your hits Auto hits.  You have some changes you need to make and I have noticed you copy and pasted some stuff from another app. I look forward to reading your editing. I or another staff member will assess this once more once changes have been made.  Thank you for reading and understanding.
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PostSubject: Re: Caballero Oscurso (Dark Knight)   Wed Jun 17, 2015 3:21 am

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